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[ 2017-08-30 13:57:58 ] 点击:472 杭州父母亲子教育培训

“我太优秀了,我爸妈根本配不上我”

如题。

很难想象,这句话出自一个十岁的孩子之口



 

因为嫌弃父母没钱,只开得起十几万的日系车,这个孩子对楼主说,他爸妈不配有自己这么好的儿子,而且根本不适合要二胎,坑自己一个就够了。

做父母的人生最大的失败不是没有钱,而是因为没有钱,被自己养大疼大,深深引以为傲的孩子所嫌弃。

一个朋友前一阵费尽周折耗尽人情才把孩子送到了某重点小学,结果孩子两天就不念了,哭着要转学。不是成绩跟不上,是家长的财力跟不上。

这个孩子很聪明,个性也要强,凡事都要争个头。新学校里有钱人很多,每天放学校门口停的都是豪车,还真不是家长们炫富,这就是人家生活的日常。学校每年假期回来,同学们都会按照参加的夏令营或者出国游档次划一条鄙视链:去欧美的瞧不起去日韩的,去日韩的瞧不起新马泰的,新马泰的又瞧不起国内游的。

据说在北京某知名重点小学,比拼财力已经不能满足孩子们的虚荣心,最高阶的是比拼家长的权力,处于鄙视链最上游的孩子之间问的问题不是你们家开什么车,而是你们家有几个警卫员。

这个找我倾诉的朋友在单位大小还是个中层,开着二十几万的B级车,住着三居室的房子,看上去属于国内标配的中产,并不是穷人。但是他特别自责,觉得自己没本事,给不了孩子更好的生活,让孩子丢尽了颜面。

我说你已经尽了最大的努力去工作,去给家人能力范围内最好的生活,在这一点上,你完全不亏欠孩子。

如果说你真的欠了他什么,那就是一个正确的价值观。

你耗尽所能把他送进重点小学,在意他是否优秀多过在意他是否快乐。你是不是经常告诉他,要好好学习,将来才能赚大钱,过人上人的生活?你是不是鼓励他考试必须拿第一?你带他参加各种兴趣班,补习班,是不是要他成为未来的社会精英?

朋友一脸懵逼:所有的家长不都是这么教孩子吗?这有什么问题?谁不想让孩子好?

问题就在这里,当你要求孩子必须年级第一时,孩子凭什么不能要求你百万年薪?

你给孩子潜移默化里灌输的概念是:你必须优秀,爸爸妈妈才会喜欢你,夸你,奖励你。所以孩子回馈给你的价值观就是:你必须有钱,我才不会嫌弃你。

只能说,种什么因,得什么果,谁也别打着爱的名义双标。如果你把孩子培养成了一个精致的利己主义者,那么请相信,他所拥有的价值观体系完全是拜你一手所赐。

男生对父母的嫌弃,本质上也是在追求更加优秀的人生:既然我考试是第一,凭什么吃穿不配最好的?父母不是最精英的?

你试图给他洗脑,指着满大街的跑车说:你只有争取第一,将来才能过人上人的生活。那么孩子自然可以反问:为啥我同学不必努力就能过上这样的生活,还不是因为你自己当年不够努力造成的!

很多家长,自己上学的时候考倒数第一,在单位被人瞧不起,回家就打孩子,一副“我不管,你考不了第一就得挨揍”“我这是逼你上进”的用心良苦。孩子既没有遗传到半点学霸基因,家里也没啥好的学习氛围,每次考不好还得挨揍,活在棍棒阴影里,招谁惹谁了?

也有那真争气的孩子,样样考第一了,如开头这个男孩,那就该反过头来瞧不起自己的父母了。怎么办?骂他没良心?你光教他考第一了,没教他良心啊。

还有的家长,看见个马路上扫街要饭的穷人都不忘教育孩子:不好好学习,下场就跟他们一样。阶级观念已经深入骨髓了,自私狭隘偏见的种子一早就已经种下了。

不要说什么孩子要富养,当一个孩子从小到大被物质的匮乏感所填满的时候,他毫无疑问已经被穷养了。这个穷,不是缺衣少食,甚至恰恰相反,他们的父母,穷尽一切也要给他们力所能及的范围里最好的东西,教给他们要做人上人的价值观,逼着自己把孩子往“富二代”上培养,以为这就是所谓的精英教育。

这样的孩子,不优秀了被父母瞧不起,优秀了就瞧不起自己的父母。

就像钱理群曾经说过的,他们高智商,世俗,老到,善于表演,懂得配合,更善于利用体制达到自己的目的。

他们不成功很可怕,成功了更可怕。

这些孩子一生都不会太快乐,填不满的匮乏感永远都在吞噬着他们,因为他们从未在父母身上感受过真正的,无条件的爱。他们的世界只有一种声音如影随形地伴着自己:要努力,要成功,要摆脱自己嫌弃的原生家庭,要做人生赢家。

爱与功利之间最本质的区别,是教育的出发点。我教孩子读书认字,带他看世界,培养他的兴趣爱好,不是为了让他考第一,做精英,而是带他享受学习的乐趣,生活的乐趣,做人的乐趣。鼓励他追求卓越,更鼓励他成为自己。无论他是否优秀,都能够感受到来自父母坚定不移的爱。

你给孩子什么样的爱,他们就会回馈给你什么样的爱。

前几天看了一条新闻,同济大学的博士生小田暑假顶着三四十度的高温帮做清洁工的父母扫马路。他接受采访时特别坦荡地说,保洁员是一份令人尊重的工作,没什么丢人的,自己想做就去做了。


 

说实话看完挺暖的,小田的父母,连十几万的日系车都开不起,却赢得了儿子的爱。

父母给孩子最好的礼物真的不是丰厚的物质,而是让他时时刻刻感受这世界的美好,一花一木皆美好,世界上的每个人都值得尊重。

当一个孩子内心强大、充盈、饱满、自信和富有力量时,他们不会因为出身的富贵而倨傲,也不会因为贫穷而自卑。无论你是首富还是农民,在他们看来,你都是这世界上最棒的爸爸妈妈。

告诉孩子:你不需要借助物质去获得更好的人生,因为当下就是最好

(原文作者:斑马)

 

 

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